


Passion Boys

by Zarry_fvcks



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Dirty Talk, Dirty Thoughts, Light Dom/sub, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-28
Updated: 2015-04-28
Packaged: 2018-03-26 03:30:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,438
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3835339
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zarry_fvcks/pseuds/Zarry_fvcks
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry keeps coming and Zayn keeps going.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Passion Boys

**Author's Note:**

> Written during wee hours in the morning so sorry for grammatical errors. 
> 
> First time posting anything here, so bear with me. 
> 
> Basically came up with my own prompt, so I went with it. 
> 
> Enjoy!

 

Harry is couch sitting the stool at the bar, taking a sip of his 4th Rumple Minze. And no, he isn't trying to get hammered. Or maybe he is.

The bartender keeps flashing him sympathetic smiles and he has no clue as of why. He tries to peer over the 600 people in the club, but even with his outstandingly lanky height, it seems like a task he doesn't want to do when he is this _buzzed_.

"After this, can I get a Rail Tequila?" Harry asks, his dimples showing even through the darkness.

"Tryna get shagged, mate?" The bartender asks, but Harry just looks away.

Because he doesn't know the answer to that.

He thinks he should leave, should call a cab now because when the gig is over he isn't going to get out of here until after 3 am, but then he sees him.

He walks onto the stage, one hand in his pocket, and one holding the mic.

The Sparrow is relatively large for a bar, and Harry is surprised that he can see all that he can from where he is seated. He's wearing a Nirvana shirt with skinny jeans, and he finds it kind of spectacular, because people like him should be wearing Black Sabbath or Metallica shirts, not Nirvana.

He's gorgeous, if you can even put it that lightly.

The way his jaw pokes out when it clenches and his scruffy face from not shaving. His eyes are this amazing... brown? Golden, maybe. If Harry were closer he could tell.

When all the birds start squealing, and Zayn flashes an all tooth smile to them, Harry knows he's going to have to tell his professor that he can just forget about the interview, because there is no chance that he is going to get it.

He shouldn't have told his professor that he could, because now he feels like total shit when Zayn blows a kiss to the birds in the front and they scream even louder, if possible.

"You know when there gig is gonna be over?" Harry asks, and he knows he is annoying Nick ( _at_ least that is what his name tag says), but there is no one else sitting at the bar and he doesn't look so busy.

"They've been playing here every Friday and Saturday until their tour starts up. That kid sings until his voice goes dry."

Harry looks back at Zayn, and wonders how he sounds with a scratchy voice. Where he screams until his voice is hoarse. Maybe under him in the new California king he just bought. Or in his bathroom, his hands fisting in Harry's hair while he goes down on him.

He tries not to think about it, because there is no way in hell that the _Bradford Bad Boy_ likes a cock down his throat.

They start by singing Giving In by ADEMA, like they always do, (so he's heard), and his voice is amazing.

He listens attentively, biting his lower lip, and when Zayn moans just like in the song, he already has a semi and he think its best if he tries to get an interview another day.

Harry is wearing skinny jeans, so it isn't very noticeable, but as Zayn continues singing, he can feel it against his zipper and he is taking shallow breaths that he hopes nobody hears.

 He bends down to give one of the birds an open mouthed kiss, and if anything could kill a boner impossibly fast, it would have to be that.

Harry rolls his eyes, because he is jealous over something that isn't his. But that's how Harry is. He can fall in love in the time that it takes you to make a cup of tea.

 

At 2 am, Harry has just finished 4 gins and a tonic, and now he wants tequila. If he keeps it up he won't even remember where his house is.

The gig is almost over, and most of the people are piling out. Everyone except for Harry. He is nearly passed out and he doesn't know what to with himself.

He takes a look at Zayn again, he promises himself its the last time, and he notices that he is already watching him.

He gasps, almost spilling his drink, and he quickly turns around.

Maybe it wasn't him. Maybe it was the red headed bird with thousands of piercings he was looking at. Or the blond one with square glasses.

But then as Harry turns around again (he promised, he knows), Zayn is watching him with a smirk on his lips.

Harry tries to turn away, he really does, but Zayn's eyes are so coffee colored he wants to dive into them.

Then Zayn licks his lips, and Harry knows he's dreaming.

 *

Harry wakes up.

He looks around to see if he's in his new California king, if his clothes are sprawled across the room, if his phone is dead next to him.

But he's not.

He panics and tries to get up but he's so hung-over that he can't. He is so hard that it hurts to move anything below his waist and he has no clue as of why. He's pretty sure he didn't get shagged, but his cock has something different to say.

He pulls his pants down, slipping a hand onto his dick, and holds tightly.

He starts thinking about Zayn last night and his sinfully pink mouth. It was small with thin lips, but Harry would happily stretch them out.

He starts curling his toes and stroking faster, fondling his balls with his other hand.

He closes his eyes and when he opens them again, he sees Zayn hovering over him with a frown on his face.

He shuts his lids, sure he is dreaming, so when he murmurs _fuck me_ , he wasn't planning on hearing chuckling.

He flicks his wrist and a dirty moan leaves his mouth when he feels precome on his knuckles.

"Mate, you're wanking off on my bed." A deep voice says, but he tries to ignore it, because he knows for a fact that he is just hearing things.

Then, someone touches his wrist and he gasps when he feels himself come all over his hand.

He opens his eyes and turns as red as a tomato when he finds Zayn watching him.

"You just...in my bed." Zayn says, and Harry tries to look away but Zayn has bed head and he looks even better today then he did yesterday.

"Sorry." Harry rasped out, and his voice sounds terrible, but Zayn is still watching him.

"How about you get cleaned up and come to the kitchen." Zayn sort of demands, and Harry nods, too embarrassed to take his hand out of his pants with Zayn watching him.

Zayn leaves the room, and Harry scrambles to get up.

 

When Harry walks into the kitchen maybe half an hour later, Zayn is sitting down at the dining table, sipping on tea.

Harry is only wearing a shirt and jeans, Zayn knows he's not wearing briefs because he jizzed in them only a while ago.

"Where are we?" He yawns, taking a seat opposite of Zayn.

"We're in my hotel room. You passed out yesterday and the bartender didn't want to leave you outside, so I said I'd take you. My band mates were complaining, but it didn't feel right leaving someone out on the street." Zayn shrugs, which is the only explanation he has.

"T-Thanks." Harry stutters, looking away, and Zayn knows he's embarrassed.

"Hey, don't worry about it. You don't have to be embarrassed. It's a guy thing, 'innit? I can't count how many times I've fucked off in that bed since I been here." Zayn tries to reassure him, but all Harry can think about is the fact that he's slept in a bed that Zayn came in. Multiple times.

"I haven't jerked off in someone's bed since I was 13." Harry says, getting a small laugh out of Zayn.

"Who were you thinking about?" Zayn asks, taking a bite of his scrambled eggs.

He doesn't know why he asks, he already knows its about him. Zayn is not conceited, not at all, but he knows that he looks good, and he saw him watching him last night, which is the only reason he agreed to let him stay with him; because he didn't look like a killer.

"No one." Harry chokes out, and he doesn't know why its so hard to speak.

Zayn doesn't want to push it, so he offers him some breakfast, which he declines.

"I think I should go." Harry says, standing up. "We're at the Sparrow Hawk Hotel. We are miles away from The Sparrow." Zayn butts in, and Harry sighs.

"I have some quid for a cab."

"Why don't you stay until we have to go get ready for another gig there? We can drop you off." Zayn adds.

"And when is that?"

"5 hours."

"That's a very long time to be doing nothing." Harry says, a bored look on his face.

"Then maybe we can do something in the meantime. We can do what you wanna do, then we can do what I wanna do."

Harry almost suggest a blowjob, or an actual fuck, but he decides to nod instead, taking a seat and making himself a plate of food.

They sit in silence for about half an hour, until Harry speaks up.

"Lets play 21 questions."He suggests, smiling because this is as close to an interview he's gonna get.

"That game always ends with someone getting fucked, and I don't get fucked." Zayn says, smirking, and Harry feels like he can read minds because he was just thinking about that.

Harry gulps, and Zayn smiles.

"Me first!" Harry says, thinking of a question. "What is your favorite song in the entire world?"

Zayn has to think, because shit does he have a lot of favorite songs.

"Sweet Emotion by Aerosmith." Harry scowls. "Don't you think that song is kind of tacky? _You got good news but you're a real good liar, cause backstage lover set your pants on fire_." Harry mimics, which makes Zayn laugh because it sounded just like its suppose to.

"What's your favorite song?"

"Don't you wanna know my name first? Seems like the most logical thing to ask a stranger."

"Do you even know my name?" Zayn points out, but its a stupid question.

"Everyone in London should know your name, Zayn." Harry slurs, and maybe he is still a bit buzzed, or maybe he wanted it to sound like that.

"What's yours then?" Zayn says, ignoring the lad's comment, because it sends the wrong emotion to his brain.

"Harry Styles, but you can just call me Harry."

"Okay, Harry Styles." Zayn scoffs, because he does not take orders. "My favorite song is A Day in The Life by The Beatles."

Zayn whines. "And that song isn't tacky? _A crowd of people turned away but I just had to look. Having read the book I'd love to turn you on_."

Harry can't complain because its like every time Zayn sings he's moaning and Harry can feel something in the pit of his stomach stir.

"Why do you sing like that?' Harry dares to ask.

"Like what?" Zayn raises his eyebrows, his defense going to an all time high in just mere seconds.

"Like you're horny and turned on." Harry says, trying not to choke when he does.

"Maybe because I am." 

*

Harry is 50% sure Zayn is gay.

He wouldn't call it a gay dar, but he has never been wrong when he thought a guy was into the same sex.

He has the typical straight guy persona, but when he watches Harry under his lashes he looks like he just came straight out the best adult film ever. When they are at their second gig and Harry is watching from the bar like he did the other night, he keeps thrusting his hips towards these birds and blowing them kisses, so he has no idea what to think.

Harry tries not to get drunk but he can feel himself slipping away, watching Zayn hopelessly.

He doesn't want to like him, but Harry can't help it. He loves his face, his body, and _oh boy_ his mouth.

When the gig was over, Zayn got off the stage, wobbling slightly and Harry didn't know where he was going, until he came face to face with him.

"You're eyes are beautiful. All green and twinkly." Zayn gasped, letting his lids fall and moving in.

Harry doesn't move, and doesn't say anything as Zayn's lip touch his ear.

"Do you want to go with me to the toilets?" He whispers into Harry's ear, rubbing his palm on Harry's crotch.

Harry started breathing fast, because he didn't know if he was serious or not.

Zayn whined when Harry didn't answer.

"Harry." Zayn moaned, (it was music to Harry's ears) trying to unbutton Harry's jeans.

"Z-zayn?" Harry said, unsure of his own voice. "I want you to blow me." Zayn speaks, licking a stripe up Harry's ear, and Harry is definitely hard now.

If Zayn wasn't gay, he definitely isn't straight because Harry can feel his shaft on his leg, and it is throbbing. He sees a few people watching, especially the bartender, and he doesn't want to be in the morning's paper with a head between his legs, so he follows Zayn to the toilet. No one is in there, and Zayn fumbles with the lock on the door until he gets it. He pushes Harry into the stall and frantically locks it.

"Zayn-"

"On your knees." Zayn orders, and Harry can't hide the gasp that comes out.

"Zayn-"

"Harry I'm as hard as a fucker and if I'm not in your mouth in a second I'm gonna come all over myself." Zayn whines, and he loses all his self control, but Harry gets on his knees.

Zayn is looking down at him with hunger in his eyes, and Harry tries to unzip his jeans without fainting. Harry pulls down his pants along with his briefs and Zayn's cock makes his mouth water. It's thick and long and Zayn is stroking himself. Zayn takes the opportunity to put himself in Harry's mouth, and Harry tries not to gag. He can feel the corners of his mouth stretching and so much drool is coming out he swears there's a puddle of it on the floor. Harry tries to deep throat him, something he has only done a few times, and when Zayn moans out his name, he knows that he is doing something right.

He's so far in that Zayn's raven colored hairs are tickling his nose. Harry starts playing with Zayn's balls, and he can feel them tighten around him. Zayn's hands are in Harry's curls while he pushes Harry further onto his dick. Zayn is pleasantly surprised that Harry hasn't gagged yet, so he uses it to his advantage and starts fucking his mouth, pulling out almost completely and slamming back in.

"God." Harry moans, tilting his head as far as it will go. He pulls out of Harry's mouth fast, a line of saliva connecting them as he jerks himself off.

"Can I come on your face?" Zayn pants, and Harry nods, sticking his tongue out. So a stripe of it lands on Harry's eyelids, then on his mouth, then both of his cheeks. Harry's opens his eyes lazily, a childish smile on his face and Zayn swears he could be a porn star.

When Harry uses his shirt to clean his face up, Zayn is clearly not done and he picks Harry up off of the floor by his curls. It makes him wince, but the pain goes straight to his cock. He almost breaks Harry's zipper, and drags them down his body because he still isn't wearing briefs and he is so fucking hard that Zayn can outline the veins on his shaft. Which he does, of course.

Harry whines, because he needs release, and he's going to come on Zayn's hand if he keeps that up. He picks Harry up and places him on the closed toilet lid, and puts Harry's legs on his shoulders as he kneels down. He licks a line across Harry's pink hole, and Harry's hips rise off the seat with a jerk.

"Stay still, babe." Zayn says, and that word has Harry's cock sputtering out precome. Zayn starts sucking on his middle finger, and Harry can't see anything so he's waiting for a surprise, and when Zayn's finger goes deep in one swipe, brushing against his prostate, Harry comes hard and loud into Zayn's raven colored hair.

"You fucker." Zayn smiles, getting up and pulling his jeans up, doing the same for Harry.

Harry is trying to catch his breath, so he doesn't respond.

"You're helping me wash my hair." Zayn nudges Harry, and he nods.

They exit the tiny stall and Zayn puts his head into the sink, letting the water flow onto it. Harry starts washing the sticky and quickly setting come out of his hair, and it gives him a boost of confidence to know that its his.

"Zayn, are you...gay?" And he shouldn't even have to ask because no straight guy can do what he just did. Zayn doesn't respond, so Harry doesn't push it. When he thinks all the come is out of Zayn's hair, he pulls Zayn's head out of the water and uses tons of paper towels to at least stop his hair from dripping. His whole body is tingling, and he knows that Zayn can feel it, but he doesn't mind.

"I'm not gay." Zayn says, which makes Harry's body freeze before he continues. "But thinking about you gets me horny as fuck and I don't know why, but I like it." Zayn adds, which makes Harry smile.

So Harry grabs his waist and kisses him like he has never kissed anyone before.

*

Zayn makes Harry come back to his hotel room, and even though Harry has an assignment to finish for his editing class, he goes. Zayn is still buzzed and he had a joint earlier so he's also feeling lightheaded.

He keeps singing _Mary Had A Little Lamb_ in Harry's ear on the ride back to the hotel, and his band mates keep telling him to shut the fuck up.

"Harry, fuck you. I mean, no. I mean, ugh." Zayn giggles right after that, and it's the cutest sound ever.

"What are you trying to say?" Harry says, and Zayn grabs him through his jeans, making him gasp and look around the limo.

"I'm saying that, I. I want you to fuck me." Zayn said, giggling in and out of the words.

"Mate, leave the butt fuck shit somewhere else." Louis, one of Zayn's mates said, and it makes Harry's cheeks turn red.

"He doesn't mean it. Zed is not a bottom. I remember one time there was this guy, years ago, Jay I think his name was. Zed asked him to fuck him. So he did, and when he woke up the next morning with a sore bum, he broke his nose." Liam, another band mate said, making the whole limo erupt in laughter.

"I did not break anyone's nose." Zayn frowned, hiding in Harry's neck.

"You did." Liam says, making Zayn whine in frustration.

"Are you my girlfriend?" He looked at Harry with puppy dog eyes, and he didn't know how to respond.

"I have a fucking migraine from listening to you talk, Zed." Niall groaned, and Harry lifted his brows in confusion. "Is he like this all the time?"

"Pretty much." Harry nodded, and when they pulled up to the hotel, he had the task of dragging Zayn (literally) into the hotel room.

When they got inside, Harry put Zayn on the bed, and Zayn completed the task of undressing until he was in his boxers. Harry could see the tip of his shaft poking out from his boxers, which could only mean one thing. He pulls himself out from in his briefs, and starts stroking his cock, his tongue sticking out of his mouth.

"Why are you so horny?" Harry says. "I had a.... A lot to drink." He panted, stroking faster. Harry has to look away because Zayn looks so filthy like that.

"Are you going to fuck me or what?" Zayn asks, in a demanding sort of way.

"No." Harry answered smugly, because he had a pretty face, and he didn't want his nose to be broken.

"Why not?" Zayn cried, letting go of his shaft and covering his whole body with the sheets. Zayn was an adorable drunk.

"Because I know you don't want me to." Harry answered back, because that was the best he could do. Zayn's head peeked out from under the sheets.

"But I do! I want you to rim me, then finger me, then fuck me so hard that I come dry. I want to come dry." Zayn begged, and Harry actually contemplated if a broken nose was worth it.

"The best I can do is suck you off, as of now, but I think you should rest." Harry said, taking off his shoes. He didn't have any briefs, so he rooted through Zayn's clothes and put one of his on.

"You hate me, don't you? Is it because I'm ugly?" Zayn whimpers, and Harry peppers his face with kisses.

"You're beautiful, but you have to go to bed." Harry said, and Zayn nods. Harry lays next to him, but they aren't touching, and he can hear Zayn's deep breathing, so he thinks he's sleeping, until he starts to talk.

"I like this girl." Zayn starts, and Harry tenses because he is definitely not doing this right now, but he is. "She has blonde hair and wears a lot of eyeliner, but she has massive tits and her name is Perrie."

When Zayn makes two large circles with his hand, Harry turns off the lamp lighting the whole room because he doesn't want to see that.

"I think I like her. She's cute, smart, funny, and she loves rock music. I haven't seen her in a while though. Remind me to call her tomorrow, kay?" Zayn asks, and Harry says he will.

But he won't.

*

Zayn wakes up and Harry isn't there.

He isn't surprised, he had no clue that Harry was with him last night anyway. He doesn't remember anything, really. He gets out of bed and walks into the kitchen of their large shared suite. Louis is up in just his boxers making a cuppa.

"Where's curly?" He asks Zayn. "Curly?" He has no clue what Louis is on about.

"Your curly haired boyfriend." Louis says, and Zayn is about ready to punch him.

"Harry isn't my boyfriend, and I'm not gay."

"I forgot. You're a gay drunk." Louis says, sipping his tea and Zayn rolls his eyes.

"Was he here last night?" Zayn obviously doesn't remember anything.

"I'm about 85% sure you guys fucked."

Zayn's chest tightens at the thought. "What about the other 15%?"

"I don't know, mate. You're asking too many questions for 8 in the morning."

Then Zayn remembers. Remembers that Harry said he had class at 8.

"Where's Paul?" Paul is their driver, and he is in a rush to find Harry. He doesn't know why, really.

"Uh, he went for breakfast."

"Call him and ask if he can take me somewhere?" Zayn says in a haste, putting on his jeans he left on the sofa.

"Where? To Harry's Uni? Do you even know where he goes?"

Zayn shakes his head and Louis rolls his eyes. "So you're gonna check them all? Manchester? Huddersfield? Salford?" He nods, and Louis calls him crazy, but still dials up Paul for him.

 

Harry can't concentrate on what his professor is trying to say. He tries to, but all he can think about is Zayn and his many tries to get shagged. The thing bothering him the most is what he said about Perrie. Perrie, Perrie, Perrie. What's so good about her? What makes her better than him?

Shes a bird and he's a bloke, that's for starters.

He can't picture her, as much as he wants to, other than the massive tits that Zayn was so eager to describe. He doesn't care about Zayn, is what he tells himself. He just wants an interview for his editing class at Manchester.

He tells himself that he doesn't care about Zayn's coffee colored eyes that he can drown in. He doesn't care about his raven black hair that looks like the opposite of his own pale skin. He doesn't care about his eye crinkling smile. He doesn't care. So why is there this pain in his chest that is telling him he does? Because that's Harry, and Harry cares too much. He's not the type of person to ditch, not at all. But at night while Zayn was sleeping all Harry could think about was Perrie Perrie Perrie. So he had to leave. It was suffocating.

He wanted to leave a note, tape it on Zayn's hair gel bottle (because he knows he uses that every morning), but as he wrote the first words of a pitiful excuse, he just quit. He wanted to leave a kiss on Zayn's cheek, he knew it would tingle it the morning, but he decided that it was best to just leave no traces of himself. He wasn't planning on coming back.

He wasn't planning to see Zayn's limo outside of his Uni when his class was over, either.

In the moment that he hid behind the tree, his heart was beating out of his chest because no one does that for him. No one goes after Harry. They want him of course, do anything to get him. But they don't go after him when he leaves. He always leaves.

He peeks out from the tree, not expecting to see Zayn chatting it up with a blonde bird.

He prays that it isn't Perrie, but when he sees Zayn's eye crinkling smile, he knows it's her.

It's just Harry's luck to go to a Uni with Zayn's love interest.

At the moment, he realizes that Zayn wasn't there for him. So he moves from behind the tree and walks away because he doesn't want to see his hand trailing up her shirt. There are tears prickling at his eyes, and he doesn't know why he does that to himself. He doesn't know why he gets attached so fast. He's known Zayn for about 2 days and he has already had his heart broken by him.

He hears someone call out his name, but he keeps walking because it's probably his Professor looking for updates on the assignment. They say it again, a little harsher, but he still doesn't turn around and look. Finally, someone grabs his shoulder and turns him around, which makes him gasp when he sees that it's Zayn.

"Do you need to get your ears checked, mate?" Zayn huffs, and Harry is still speechless. "What do you want?" Harry says, not looking at his face.

"Is there a problem?" Zayn says, trying to tilt his chin up. "Stop fucking touching me!" Harry screams, trying to leave, but Zayn is holding onto his wrist too tight.

"Okay, look. We have to talk about last night." Zayn says, and now it's his turn to not look at Harry.

"About what? Getting your dick sucked in the toilets of The Sparrow?" Harry smirks, and Zayn lets go of his hand.

"Can you say that any louder?" Zayn hisses, and Harry rolls his eyes. "I'm gay. Everyone here knows that. So what are you hiding?" Harry asks, and Zayn doesn't respond.

"I'm leaving." he says, and Zayn touches him again.

"Wait! Can we please talk? In the car?" Zayn pleads, nodding his head towards the limo. Harry sighs but nods anyway.

As soon as they get into the car, they're kissing. Full on passionate kissing. Zayn makes the first move, his hands tangled in Harry's curls and Harry between his legs as he pants. Zayn tugs on Harry's lower lip, taking the chance to slip his tongue into his mouth. Harry's tongue is lapping at Zayn's teeth, and Zayn is trying to be quiet so Paul doesn't hear. Not that he has never heard it before.

"Harry." Zayn gasps when Harry starts grinding their hips together.

"Wanna suck me off?" Harry asks, and Zayn nods eagerly. Harry unzips his jeans and tugs his briefs down. Zayn lays down on the backseat, while Harry straddles his waist.

Zayn grabs Harry's length and starts lapping his tongue on the tip. Harry keeps sputtering words like _fuck_ and _your mouth_ and Zayn can feel his cock twitching under Harry. If this is what _let's talk_ means then he wants to do it more often. Harry can't handle the pain of going slow, so he thrusts into Zayn's mouth a little faster while Zayn watches him through his lashes.

He hears him gag and the sound vibrates through his whole body. Zayn is so close to Harry that his nose is buried in the dark colored hairs. Zayn gags again, and Harry being the filthy fuck that he is gets off on it, a thick spurt of precome spilling in Zayn's mouth. Usually, Harry would warn someone when he's about to come but he feels like Zayn deserves it for being an arsehole. So right before Harry feels the intensity between his thighs, he bites down on his bottom lip so hard he swears he draws blood, then he comes fast and hard into Zayn's mouth.

Zayn's spits most of it out, making it drip down his Beastie Boys shirt, but he doesn't seem to mind when Harry watches him swallow the rest.

"Fuck face much? You could have warned me." Zayn says, getting up and wiping his mouth with the back of his hand while Harry zips up his jeans.

"Are you drunk right now?" Harry dares to ask.

"Had a beer and three shots."

Harry rolls his eyes and he's so done. "You just told me you weren't gay, so what the fuck was that." he says, still panting while he watched Zayn's cheeks burn.

"I'm not." He stutters out, which makes Harry laugh.

"Shall I count? You just sucked my dick, I sucked your dick last night, you rimmed and fingered me last night, and you were begging me to fuck you." Harry says, holding up 5 digits.

"Fuck off." Zayn says, but he doesn't deny it because now everything is coming back to him.

"Why are you a gay drunk? I just don't understand."

"I don't know, but all I know is I'm not gay when I'm sober." Zayn says, biting his lower lip.

Harry smiles. "So you're trying to tell me that you're like totally shit faced now?"

Zayn doesn't respond, but his cheeks glow a fiery red, which makes Harry laugh harder.

When they pull up to the hotel, Zayn says _Perrie_ instead of _Harry_ just to make matters worse and Harry knows what he's doing. He's trying to make him jealous, and the sad part is that it's working. But then Zayn brushes his hand against Harry's spine, and Harry thinks that he's just joking. He hopes that he's joking.

"I think I like you." Zayn says when they get to his bedroom, Harry sitting on his bed and Zayn standing up.

"So what about Perrie?" Harry adds.

"I like her too. Well, I like the thought of her."

Harry looks at Zayn with a _please explain_ face and he sighs.

"You know, she's a bird. And, you're not."

"So, who do you like more?"

"I don't know, Harry."

"So, what's the point of telling me? Or do you just want to experiment with me?" Harry says, and Zayn looks like he's about to vomit.

"Yes?" He says, more like a question and it sounds even worse when said out loud.

"I'm not a toy. I'm not a dummy you can test your feelings on." Harry says, frowning.

"I know, I know. I've never done this before. Like, never properly. Not the right way. I don't know how all of this works."

"What about Ed?" Harry shouldn't have said that.

"The fuck do you know about that?" Zayn spits, suddenly angry.

"I don't know anything about Ed." Harry muttered.

"Well then who told you?" Zayn said, looking at Harry with a glare.

"Y-you were drunk and Louis just said his name! That's all." Harry turned away and decided it was better to stare at the white walls then at Zayn's gorgeous face.

"Why aren't you looking at me, baby?" Zayn whispered in Harry's ear, making him gasp.

"I-uh, I-" Zayn chuckled, making Harry's cheeks turn red. "Look, if you dragged me over here to make fun of me then I'll just leave, okay?"

Zayn frowned. "I'm not making fun of you. You're just cute, is all."

"Says the non gay guy." Harry says.

"Stop saying that." Zayn hissed, and Harry rolls his eyes.

He's been with guys like Zayn before. They want to know how it feels to be with a guy so they play it out and when they're bored they just let him go. They always let him go and this time he's trying not to get caught.

"Harry." Zayn snapped in his face, making him glare at the boy in front of him. The door of the sweet was banged on loudly, and Zayn got up to answer it.

He opened the door without asking who it was. "Zayn!" Perrie squealed, enveloping him in a hug so tight he couldn't breathe properly.

It wasn't like Harry was breathing, though.

He watched everything from behind the door frame, quietly sighing. He knew it; he wasn't going to give Zayn a chance anyway.

He continued to watch the love birds, but when they started kissing he thought it was best to leave. Harry went back into Zayn's room to pick his bag up when he saw a small framed picture of Zayn and his family. There was Zayn, obviously and his mother and father.

There were two little girls and an older one. Harry smiled; then he felt quiet tears rolling down his face. He hadn't seen his family for 2 years, and he missed them. He went into Zayn's bathroom to freshen up and was about to leave until he heard noises.

It was innocent giggling which turned into desperate panting. Harry took a seat on the floor and decided to be as quiet as possible. He was still crying, but for a completely different reason.

When the panting turned into moans and squeals, Harry couldn't take it anymore. "You piece of shit!" Harry roars, storming out of the bathroom with tears free flowing. He finds Zayn and Perrie sitting on the bed, fully clothed, watching Don Jon.

" _What the fuck_." Zayn mouths out to Harry, making him blush. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry." Harry says, his hands covering his face as he runs out of the room.

"Harry wait!" Zayn screams, apologizing to Perrie as he chases after him.

When Zayn finally reaches up to the slightly taller lad, he spins him around and pins him down on the wall right outside the now closed suite. Harry closed his eyes, and started shaking his head.

"Harry what the fuck is wrong with you?" Zayn sneered, holding onto Harry's shoulder painfully.

"Ow!" Harry yelped, trying to move Zayn away from him.

"Harry!" Zayn screamed and Harry winced.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry." Harry sobbed, pushing Zayn away by his chest.

"Harry." Zayn murmured, brushing his lips against Harry's.

"I'm sorry Zayn but I'm clingy and I get attached too fast and you- it sounding like you guys were having sex."

"Well, we weren't." Zayn says, watching Harry's lips.

Harry sighs because he can't do this. "Harry, do you wanna...maybe talk? It seems like something else is going on, yeah? I won't be much help but I'll try." Zayn says, making Harry open his eyes. He wanted to shake his head, but he nodded. "Okay."

Zayn grabbed Harry's hand, and lead him back to the suite. Harry followed him like a lost child, and when they stopped at Niall's room, his eyebrows rose up. "Nialler..." Zayn sang, making Niall look up. "Can I use your room for a little bit, and can you keep Perrie company?"

Niall's eyes widened. "You are not fucking on my bed. No no no."

"We're not gonna fuck. We have to talk and Perrie is in the room so be a good mate and stall her."

Niall rolled his eyes but slowly got up anyway. When he left, Zayn smiled and pulled Harry into the room by his shirt.

"Sit down." Zayn ordered, and Harry scrambled to follow his request. Zayn locked the door and sat next to Harry. "Okay, so the clingy part. Is there a reason why?" Zayn questioned rubbing his thumb against the pulse of Harry's neck.

"I, I don't know. I'm very affectionate so I'm clingy. I have to be next to people at all times possible or-" Harry stopped when Zayn started to suck a mark into his neck. Harry whimpered and tried to continue.

"I go crazy. And-" Zayn pulled Harry's shirt off, sucking on the 17black tattoo. He moaned, a little louder than he wanted to, but he couldn't help it.

"My dad stopped speaking to me when I told him I was-" Zayn cut him off by attaching his lips to Harry and rubbing a hand through his curls. Zayn obviously wasn't listening to him, and he wasn't too mad about that. His tongue traced Zayn's teeth, and he giggled through it. But when Zayn tried to unbutton his pants, Harry stopped him.

"No." Harry gulped. "I don't want to do this anymore."

"Why not?" Zayn frowned.

Harry shook his head. He just didn't want to.

"Want something first? 'M pretty sure Lou has one or the other."

Harry shook his head again. "Come on." He kept shaking his head.

"Can I finger you? Rim you?" Harry just shook his head.

"Are you a virgin or something?" Harry shook his head, which made Zayn roll his eyes. He moved his hands to the belt buckle of Harry's jeans, and undid them. Harry watched as Zayn tugged his jeans off his legs, then tugged at his briefs. Harry was still soft; he was busy thinking of things to not get off on. He wasn't going to cave into Zayn, even though he just let him give him a very visible love bite mere seconds ago. "How are you not hard? I'm straining on my zipper." Harry tried to look away when Zayn's cock sprung out, but he couldn't. Zayn took his own length in his hand and started jerking off as Harry watched the precome ooze from his tip. He could feel himself getting a semi, even though he didn't want to. He didn't want to give Zayn the satisfaction.

"C'mon, Haz." Zayn panted, jerking harder.

"Stop." Harry whined, desperate to touch himself, but Zayn smacked his hand away.

"You can't. You said you didn't want this, remember?" Harry nodded, which made Zayn smirk.

"Open your mouth." He tapped his cheek. Harry opened wide, and Zayn stuck his middle digit into it. Harry took the hint and started to suck. Zayn watched him with hungry eyes and pulled his digit out when he thought it was slicked up enough.

He moved his finger around Harry's hole, making him clench around him.

"Zayn." Harry pants when Zayn pushed the tip of his digit in. "Relax." Zayn purred in his ear. He pushed all the way in, and ghosted a touch at Harry's prostate.

"Oh god." Harry mewls, rock hard and fucking himself on Zayn's digit. When Zayn pushed two more digits knuckle deep without warning, Harry groaned and spurted all over his chest.

"Is that your weakness?" Zayn said, pulling out of a whiny Harry.

"No! No, fuck me please." Harry begged, even though he was already done

"You said you did-"

"Please!"

"Beg louder." Zayn smirked, making Harry look around the room.

"Fuck!" Harry screamed when Zayn put his two digits back in him. "Zayn please, I can't just. It's hurts but it hurts so good."

"What hurts?" He says, scissoring his fingers.

"My ass! My ass hurts and I need you!" Harry groaned.

"This is Niall's room. I don't have a condom." Zayn realized, face palming himself.

"What?" Harry panted, obviously frustrated.

"Let me run into the room and-"

"How do you suppose your gonna do that? Walk in front of Perrie with your dick swinging and ask for a condom?!" Harry said, agitated.

"Do you want to get fucked or not? Because I can leave. You want this, don't you?" Zayn said, which made Harry get up. He picked up his briefs and jeans and pulled them back on.

"Where are you going?" Zayn asked, receiving a scoff from Harry.

"You basically called me a slut. I'm not doing you a favor, Zayn. I wanted this. I'm not letting you use me so go fuck Perrie raw and you can make gorgeous babies." He huffed, walking out of Niall's room. Zayn would follow him, but, you know.

*

Zayn tried looking for Harry for a week.

He would show up at his Uni and try to find him through the crowd of people, or he would go to the bookshop he knows Harry goes to. He couldn't find him anywhere.

On Monday of the second week, Harry was working a double shift at the coffee shop when Zayn walked in. He squealed and hid under the table.

"Harry, what are you doing?" Nick, his co worker said, ( and no, not the bartender Nick.)

"Just, cover for me until that guy is gone, please?" Harry begged. "That's Zayn?" He said, doing a once over on the tanned skin lad. Harry nodded, trying not to breathe, afraid Zayn could recognize it.

"Hello, welcome to Bradford Coffee shop. Can I get you anything?" "Um, I'm sorry to bother you but does anyone who goes by the name of Harry work here? I've been to all the coffee shops in this town and this is the last one, I think." Harry could feel his heart melt at that.

"Yes, Harry does work here, but he's not in today." Nick said. Harry glared up at him, because he didn't want to be mentioned at all.

Harry could see the defeated look on his face through the glass stand and he wanted to kiss it away. But he wouldn't.

"Okay, thank you though." He said, and Harry could hear him shuffling out of the store. He had a battle with his heart and his mind for a minute, and as he ran out of the store, you can guess which won.

"Zayn!" Harry screamed, running through the streets looking for him. He ran all around the block and the next one, and couldn't find him. He was heaving like mad, and when he realized that Zayn was probably gone forever; onto another place in their London Tour, he gave up. He turned around and ran back to his job before he started crying, because it wouldn't look good to anyone. When he curbed at a corner, he accidentally ran into someone, making him fall on his butt.

He rubbed his head, then looked up to see who it was. "I'm sorry." He muttered, dusting his pants off as he got up.

"Don't sweat it." The bloke said, and he looked familiar. As he started walking away, Harry knew who he was. "Leeyum!" Harry yelled, and the bloke turned around.

"Do I know you...?" He said, walking back. "Your in that band. Um, 'Black Silhouette'. He nodded, then his eyes widened. "You're that bloke who was with Zed?" Harry nodded, but looked at the time.

"Okay. Can you please please please tell Zayn to meet me at the book store right across the street from here in 2 hours?"

Liam nodded, and Harry thanked him, running back to his job.

 

When Liam arrived back at the suite, Zayn was on the couch, having a kissing fit with Perrie. He contemplated if he should even tell him; Harry looked like a nice lad and all Zayn is gonna do is hurt him. But it wasn't his business.

When they didn't notice his presence a minute later, Liam left them at it and decided to wait for him to finish in his own room.

After an hour and a half of waiting, Liam started packing because they were off to Cheshire in a few days and he needed to make sure he had everything. Someone started knocking on his door, so he swung it open to reveal a wet Zayn.

"Hey, I didn't know you were home." He panted, and Liam glared at him. "Of course you didn't. You were a bit busy, don't you remember?"

"You can cool it with the attitude, mate."

"Then you can cool it with the hormones! You don't get both, you have to choose! It's Harry or Perrie, not Harry and Perrie. Gosh, stop being such a slut!"

Zayn looked at Liam with wide eyes before he regained his composure. "Don't talk to me like that! Harry doesn't want me anyway! He's been hiding from me for almost 2 weeks. So what the hell does he have to do with anything?!"

"I saw him today."

"Near where?"

"Piccadilly. He had a Bradford's Coffee Shop hat on." Zayn thought about it.

"And what that does have to do with me?" Zayn said, sounding nonchalant, but his heart was beating at 100 mph.

"He said he wanted to see you in 2 hours." "And when was this?" "An hour and a half ago."

"What the fuck Liam?! Why didn't you say something before!?" Zayn was on the verge of pulling his hair out.

"Excuse me but you were the one snogging a bird, so don't put the blame on me." Zayn quickly ran out of the room and slipped some clothes on. Piccadilly was about a 30 minute drive, and he was determined to run.

Harry stood near the book store, waiting for Zayn. He was 15 minutes late, and Harry was wondering if he was even gonna show up.

After 25 minutes, Harry started on the walk home.

Maybe Liam forgot to give him the message, or maybe Zayn was sleeping and Liam didn't want to wake him up.

Maybe.

When he was almost halfway home, he heard someone screaming his name. He turned around and was enveloped in a kiss before he could do anything.

He was a few seconds from pulling away, but he couldn't forget those lips and who they belonged to. Zayn locked his hands together behind Harry's neck, and sighed.

"You fuck face." Zayn said, panting. "I've been looking everywhere for you, everywhere." He rested his forehead against Harry's, who still had his eyes closed. Harry could smell the alcohol on his breath, and it made his stomach churn.

"I was scared." He whispered.

"Of what?" Zayn said, pecking him on the lips.

"Of you leaving me."

*

They're in Harry's sheets, and no one is in Harry's sheets. Not Al, not Joe, not Nick, not even Gemma who use to complain every time she visited about sleeping on the couch.

Harry hands are fisting the cotton beneath him because he promised Zayn that he wouldn't come while his fingers were in him.

"Zayn." Harry moaned, a filthy and dirty sound.

"Hold it, babe." Zayn murmured, giving him a kiss on the cheek.

"Oh god." Harry choked out when Zayn added a third finger. Zayn slipped his fingers out when he felt that Harry was prepped enough. He opened the condom and slipped it on himself as Harry watched.

"Want me to rim you? Or do you think you're good?" Harry nodded, and Zayn took that as an _I'm ready_ because he couldn't wait anymore. He circled Harry's puckering hole with his cock, pushing his whole thick tip in all at once and Harry came all over his chest. Zayn sighed and pulled out.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry. I haven't been fucked in a long time and I- I'm sorry." Harry said, covering his face with his hands from embarrassment.

"Harry, it's okay." Zayn said, trying to comfort the crying lad in front of him.

"No, it's not. I don't want you to go back to Perrie and you are if we don't do this so let's just do it." He whimpered, coming down from his high.

"Harry, you're trembling. I'm not gonna fuck you while you're crying. You're too sensitive for that right now. I don't want to hurt you." Zayn sighed, and Harry caught on to how he ignore the comment about Perrie.

So he started crying again.

 

Harry woke up and Zayn wasn't there. He wasn't surprised, but it hurt more than it should have.

Since he didn't have class for a whole week, he decided to do some housework and get decorations. He brushed his teeth and quickly changed, grabbing his car keys.

When he got to a home decor store, he grabbed a cart and started looking. He bought 5 cans of baby blue paint, paint tins, brushes and sticker decals. He also bought a lamp for the living room and a book shelf for his monstrous pile of books on the floor. When he got home (after Eleanor, his neighbor helped lug everything up), he got to work. He covered and moved all the furniture to the center of the living room, playing music and opening the paint cans. He was almost done with 2 walls in the living room when his phone started buzzing in his pocket. He picked up and saw that Nick, his co worker, was calling.

"What's up?" He said, wiping his palm on his pants.

"Turn the telly to 5." Harry obliged, turning the music off as he did so.

"-we have a sketchy picture of Zayn from Black Silhouette and another unidentified male. Take a look."

A picture came on the screen, and Harry almost threw up.

"No one knows it's me." He says to Nick, looking at the picture of him and Zayn kissing near Piccadilly. Zayn's hands were in Harry's back pocket and Harry's hand were hovering in the air, because he was surprised.

"Harry, if I can tell it's you then anyone who knows you can. Your curls are name-able."

Harry wasn't thinking about himself though, he was thinking about Zayn and what was going on through his head.

 

On the other side of town, Zayn was in bed, hiding from everyone. "Mate, we have to get on the road to Chesire in only a few days. Have you even packed?" Liam said to a crying Zayn.

"Fuck off! You don't understand what I'm going through! My mum has to find out I like cock through a fucking news channel!!"

"Zed, I'm sorry. You're right, I don't know what you're going through, but were all doing this together and if you need to talk we are here."

"Just leave me alone." He whined, sniffling.

"Well, I just wanted to let you know that Harry's here."

"He's the last person I want to see now." He begged, but Liam wouldn't have it.

"Get up or I'll throw a bucket of ice on you. And you know I'm serious. You have no right to be mad at him because he didn't do anything wrong. That picture looks like you started it."

Zayn glared at him, but got up anyway. He slowly walked to the living room, and when he saw Harry tapping on the arms of the couch, he wanted to run away. Harry must have heard, because he turned and got up as soon as he saw Zayn.

"Hi." He said, but Zayn just watched him, giving Harry time to take in his features. He was shirtless and his hair looked crazy; his eyes were bloodshot and his Adam's apple was bobbing like mad.

"Is there something you need?" He rasped out, and Harry realized that he must have just got out of bed.

"Yes. Um. I wanted to talk to you."

"About what?" Zayn said, and Harry almost rolled his eyes, but he stopped himself. "About the, uh. The picture."

He watched Zayn winced, then he took a seat on the arm of the other chair. "I don't want to talk about it."

"I have to Zayn, because you're all I think about and now there's this huge thing going on and it doesn't make anything better."

"If you wanna sell my story for a few quid I couldn't give a flying fuck right now."

"I wouldn't do that!" Harry roared, upset.

"Yes you would. You're just like everyone else. Your just like everyone else so fuck off!" Zayn said, and Harry's heart broke for the tenth time that week.

"You wanna know something? The only reason why I sucked your dick that day is because I wanted an interview for Uni. Hell yeah I enjoyed it, I loved how rough you were being. I'm a crazy fuck but I didn't give a shit about you. I knew you were this bipolar, full of himself, too high to give a fuck one hit wonder." Harry spat, but regretted them as soon as they came out.

Zayn didn't look fazed, people told him he didn't matter all the time, so he didn't care.

"I'm sorry. That came out wrong-"

"No it didn't. You don't have to explain anything to me. You don't care, I got it." Zayn muttered, looking away, because shit, it hurt more than he would like to admit.

"No, I do. But you fuck up my mind. I said I wouldn't let anyone in, but you came in anyway."

Zayn looked down at Harry. "Why are you covered in paint?" He said, and Harry laughed bitterly.

"Do you see what you're doing? I'm pouring my heart out to you and all you care about is why i'm covered in paint."

"I don't give a shit, Harry. I wanted to fuck you, that's it. I don't care. I don't care!" He spat, even though he didn't mean a single word.

"I don't know why I always do this to myself! I fall in love with the wrong people and I let them treat me like shit." Zayn didn't respond for a few minutes, until he reevaluated what Harry said.

"You...just said, you love me. You love...me?" Zayn said, eyes wide, and Harry finally realized what he just let slip out.

"Um-" "You just said you love me." Zayn laughed, and Harry winced. "It was a mistake, right? You don't love me."

"I don't know." Harry said, putting his head down.

"Then don't say it, babe." Zayn said. "I'm being serious." Harry blushed at the pet name, even in this unhappy situation.

"Harry, love doesn't happen within 3 weeks."

"But it did! Zayn it's uncontrollable and I don't want to because you're an arsehole but I do. And I just want someone who wants me back for once and I'm tired of not being enough. Zayn I think about you every second of the day when I'm not doing anything and I want to rip my heart out because you do shit like leaving me in the morning if we don't have sex and embarrassing me in front of your mates. I want this to work and I know it won't because you're so far in the closet that you don't even recognize yourself. I don't understand what's so wrong with being gay! I'm gay, and I like to think that I'm doing alright. I know you think alcohol makes you like that but it's bullshit because you know you like it Zayn. You've broken my heart 100 times in just a few weeks and I don't know what you'll do in a year if you had the chance but I want it. I'm sorry that I haven't fucked in a long time so I jizz quick but people always leave after we have sex and I have trust issues. I thought you would be fine right after and you can't leave me because of that. Zayn I can't get you out of my mind and every day that passes without you I feel this hole in me and I don't know what to do and I hate this feeling and I want it to stop and I love you." Harry panted, a tear slipping out and into his mouth.

Zayn didn't respond because he didn't think anything that could come out of his mouth could measure up to that.

"Are you gonna say anything?" Harry said, defeated and tired.

"You shouldn't have came here. What if someone took a flick of you coming into my hotel?"

Zayn knew he shouldn't have said that, it was the cruelest to say at this point, but it's Zayn and he doesn't have a heart. At least not anymore.

Harry sighed, smiling sadly at Zayn because he was so far gone he couldn't help anymore. So Harry picked up his bag and silently walked out of the suite, and he knew it was the last time he would see Zayn.

Zayn wanted him to stop, to turn him around and to tell him that he loves him too, maybe. That he could learn to live with what he really is and not care about what others say. That he can let go of who hurt him so bad in the past and who's making him not be able to move on. He wants to tell Harry that he would love to be there when he wakes up in the morning. When he asks for his eggs fried because that's how Harry likes them, and Zayn will groan and nag because it takes more time to make, but he still would. He wants to love Harry, he really does.

But Zayn doesn't agree with that word at all.

*

Zayn keeps groaning because he knows he fucked up.

They are in their tour bus going to Cheshire and Zayn keeps thinking Harry Harry Harry.

"Lou. I fucked up big time. We have to go back." He said, and Louis looked at him like he was crazy.

"We've been on the road for over an hour!"

"No, no Louis we have to go back! We have to! I can't live with this!" Zayn said, getting up and running to Paul.

"Paul we have to go back to Bradford."

"Are you crazy? No."

"Paul, I think I'm in love." Zayn sputtered out, unsure of his own words.

Paul's grip on the wheel tightened. In the 2 years of knowing Zayn, he hadn't directed that word to anyone.

"Where's the address?"

"Are you serious? We're gonna miss the biggest show ever!" Louis roared.

"C'mon mate, it's okay. Don't you think Zed's happiness is more important?" Liam piped in, and Niall agreed.

"Where does she live?" Paul said, and Zayn sighed.

"It's not Perrie. It's... Harry."

The tour bus got silent, until Niall decided to break it.

"Honestly, what does it matter? Tell Paul his address and we'll go back."

Every silently agreed with Niall, and Zayn eyes lit up in frustration.

"I don't know where he lives. All I know is that he works at The Bradford Cafe on Piccadilly."

Paul decided that they should go, and Zayn was thinking of what to say when he saw him.

 

When they got to Piccadilly, it was closed and Zayn wanted to cry because he missed it.

"I'm sorry mate." Liam said, and Zayn shook his head.

"No. The picture was taken a little from here and we only walked a bit when we got to his flat. I'll go around and ask."

"Want me to help?" Louis said.

"No, I have to do this."

The first three doors were wrong.

On the fourth door, he had to listen to an old lady ranting about homosexuals, so he apologized and went to the next one. No one answered the next 2, and the seventh door he checked wasn't occupied by anyone. There were dozen more apartment houses on the street, and he almost gave up. He knows Harry lives on the third floor of one of the flats, so he asked the neighbors if they knew anyone named Harry, but no one did.

When he got to the 15th flat he knocked and waited for a response. When he heard the angelic who is it, he almost fainted, but he had to do this.

"Harry. It's Zayn." He waited for the door to open, but it never did.

"Harry I have to talk to you about something important."

No answer.

"Harry I know I fucked up but please! I made the guys drive all the way from Cheshire because I have to see you, I have to."

When he didn't hear anything, he didn't know what to say. He took a breath when he felt his hands getting clammy.

"Harry I want to say it but I can't! It took me 11 years to tell Liam, my best friend that I loved him and I never even say it. I had an abusive relationship with Ed and I was beat the shit out of everyday for a year and ever since then I took my heart off my sleeve and buried it deep into me. Remember that scar you saw on me the time in the hotel room? I saw you looking at it. He b-burned me with a hot knife b-before. I have so many more and I feel disgusting when I see them. I feel like trash and they aren't fading and I don't know w-what to do. I was treated like crap so I'm sorry if I treat everyone else like that but I don't know any better! I know that I feel the same way about you that you feel about me but I can't say it! I can't say it." He said, slumping down against the door.

"Harry, I don't know what to do but ever since you left, I haven't been able to sleep. I try but I can't because I never wanted to treat you like that. I lo... I'm sorry." He groaned, putting his head in his hands.

He hasn't told anyone except for Liam that and he wants to suck the words back into his marrow, but they are out there and they are never gonna be his anymore.

"Harry please. I will stay outside your door forever if I have to. I can't live with this. I'll come out for you. I'll come out to the whole world and live with the hate but I need you with me." He sobbed, staining his shirt.

Zayn stood up, and started banging in the door. "Harry! Harry please. You're all I have left. I don't need Perrie or anyone else-" he stopped to hiccup; he was crying so hard. "I don't know why it took a month for me to realize this but I need you."

He was starting to lose hope, but he had to keep talking.

"I..."

The door swung open, and Zayn almost fell face first into the floor.

It was Harry, and he was just in his boxers.

"Oh god." Zayn cried, shuddering.

"Zayn, your gonna get sick." Harry frowned, and Zayn shook his head.

"I'm fine. I just really need to talk to you."

"I heard everything Zayn."

"So you're giving up on me?" He whispered, another batch of tears welling up in his eyes.

"Stop crying."

"But I can't! Harry I- You hate me." He hiccuped again, and Harry pulled him into his flat.

"Zayn." Harry muttered, giving Zayn a short peck on the lips. "I love you."

Zayn nodded, a huge burst of happiness welling up in his abdomen. He wanted to say it back but he wasn't ready yet. Harry went to pick up a tissue and told him to _blow your nose_ with the tissue in hand. The thought was disgusting in itself, but when Zayn blew, it felt oddly intimate.

"I know you're having trouble telling me that, and that's okay."

"It's not okay. Harry I want to tell you really bad but the words keep getting caught in my throat." Zayn sighed, grabbing Harry's slender fingers and connecting them with his.

"And it's okay, because at least you were able to help me understand why. I'm sorry for keeping you out there for so long. I just didn't believe you. But then you started talking about him-" Harry doesn't say his name and Zayn is grateful. "-and I knew you weren't lying, but I just had to think this through. I want you Zayn. Everywhere." He sighed, resting his forehead against the slightly shorter lad's.

Harry moved in to Zayn and Zayn followed short after, connecting their lips in state of hormone induced passion that they both had no control over. Zayn bottom lip kept catching on Harry's teeth, but he didn't mind because the pain reminded him that this was really happening; he was kissing Harry in his flat without any drunkenness when he is suppose to be performing at the biggest show of his life. But he couldn't care less.

*

They try one more time, but this time, Harry is in charge.

Zayn wasn't 100% sure it would turn out well, he had only bottomed with Ed and it was a terrible experience because it was forced.

"Are you sure you want to? We can switch if you want, and I'll tr-"

"No, I want you." Zayn panted, and he hadn't even been touched yet.

Clothes had been peeled off, and they were busy being intoxicated by each other. Harry traced the burn on Zayn's torso, and it felt so cold against his heated skin. There was a scar on his inner thigh, and Zayn shivered when Harry rubbed his thumb against it. Small marks and faded bruises littered his skin that Harry hadn't paid attention to before, and he made a mental note to kiss each and every one later.

"You didn't drink before this, right?" Harry asked.

"No. I didn't. I was about to, I thought it would be easier that way, but I didn't want to do that to you."

Harry nodded, giving him a chaste kiss on the lips.

Zayn wasn't worried about the boys, by now they should know what happened. Harry's kisses moved down from his lips to his chin, then he purposely let his teeth catch on his left nipple before slowly sucking on it.

Harry's neighbors Telly was blasting through the thin walls, blocking out Zayn's mewls. Harry continued with the right nipple, tweaking the left one with his thumb.

"Harry." Zayn sighed, pulling at the younger lad's mop of hair. Harry removed himself from Zayn and pulled out a stack of vanilla candles from his cupboard. "Got a lighter?" Zayn nodded toward his jeans on the floor, a confused look on his face. After Harry lit them all, he turned the lights out and the scent of vanilla wafted around the room.

"Why vanilla?" Zayn questioned.

"Because this is gonna be so vanilla."

Harry used his hands to trace the outline of each and every one of the tattoos he could see, before he rubbed his palm against Zayn's hip bone. Zayn was looking down at Harry with curious eyes when he wrapped his fingers around Zayn's throbbing member.

He started taking kitty licks, purring at the desperate sounds Zayn was making before he took him whole. Zayn gasped, then bucked his hips into Harry's waiting pink mouth. He was worried he was being too rough, but when Harry basically encouraged him by putting his obscenely large hands on his ass, he decided to keep it up. Harry was lapping his tongue all around the veins, then look long licks from the base to his wet with precome tip.

"I'm gonna come, Harry." Zayn warned, and Harry nodded, almost giving him permission.

"But, isn't it going to be over? And we won't be able to...?"

"We can wait a few hours. We have all the time in the world. " Harry suggested, and Zayn shook his head.

"No-I need you now. I can hold it." Zayn said, and Harry nodded hesitantly. Harry reached around his bedside drawer for a condom, then put it near the lamp.

"Wanna try a vibrator? Have you ever used one?" Harry asked, and Zayn shook his head. Harry put his hand in the drawer again, and pulled out a new pink vibrator.

"Why is it pink?" Zayn said.

"Um, I just picked a color...?" Harry chuckled.

"And, you're gonna put that in me." Zayn stated, and Harry shrugged.

"Or I could just fuck your mouth with it."

"I'd rather that. Yeah, yeah." Harry removed the plastic from the vibrator, and put the tip in Zayn's mouth. The vibrator was thick, and Zayn could feel the corners of his mouth stretching open.

Zayn tried to get a hold of it with this tongue, but Harry continually pushed it deeper into his mouth. He looked up at Harry, and saw that he was palming himself. He was getting hard from watching Zayn. Harry moved it out of Zayn's mouth with a pop, then trailed it down his body until the tip was flush with his hole.

"What are you doing?" Zayn said, licking his lips. Harry didn't respond, just turned the vibrator on, and Zayn came, thick white ropes on his chest with a gasp.

 

Harry is up and Zayn is yawning. "Are we ever gonna fuck?" Zayn said, trailing his hand down Harry's face.

"Do you wanna try now? It's been two hours since you came last." They don't talk for a few minutes.

"Is it bad that I'm scared? Because fuck, that makes me sound like I'm a new client for an escort." Zayn said, looking at Harry's curls instead of his face.

"You're scared of me hurting you?" Zayn slowly nodded, still not looking at Harry.

"It's just, the last time I was in something like this, I got hurt. I don't know, it's sounds weird." Zayn admits, turning on his back and rubbing his face.

"It's not weird, I get it. I was scared my first time-" "No, no this isn't my first time. I just, forget it." Zayn grumbled, turning away from Harry.

"Zayn, it's okay. I think I know what you're saying. You haven't been, a bottom with someone for a long time and you're scared I'm gonna leave you right after. I can't if I wanted to." Zayn nodded, then started biting his lip.

"What's the easiest way...?" Harry thought about it for a second, before his face lit up.

"Stay on your back. ." He said, giving Zayn a kiss before searching around for lube.

Zayn did as he was told, wriggling in his spot.

"Can I, uh, try something?" Harry asks, giving Zayn's rim a wet kiss.

Zayn bit back a moan and silently asked for more. Harry put his hands on the back of Zayns thighs, pushing his legs near his chest. Harry's eyes darkened at the sight of Zayn's hole; all exposed for him. He used his tongue to trace the outline, before delving it into the wet heat.

Zayn tried hard to not come on the spot while Harry slicked him up with spit. He wiggled his tongue and Zayn couldn't hide the precome spilling from his tip.

Harry pulled away, and slicked his fingers up with lube before prodding at Zayn's hole. Zayn had his eyes shut, so when Harry slid the first finger in knuckle deep, Zayn started squirming uncontrollably.

"Stay still." Harry cooed, adding a second finger.

"It feels weird, shit." Zayn whined, bucking his hips up when Harry went too deep. Harry started scissoring his fingers in Zayn, making sure to brush against the bundle of nerves. Zayn could feel the precome on his tip, and he was aching for more. When Harry added a third finger, Zayn started sweating and it started to sting.

He started to move his hips down in Harry's digits, so Harry kept still and watched as he did so.

"Look at you, fucking yourself on my fingers." Harry growled, which made Zayn whimper. He curled his fingers, which made Zayns hips rise off the bed.

"Harry, I'm ready." Zayn says, an uneasy feeling forming in the pit of his stomach. Harry put the condom onto himself then slicked it up with lube. He put Zayn's legs in his shoulder, then gave him a quick kiss on the lips before he pushed the tip in.

Zayn squeezed his eyes shut, and grabbed the sheets until his knuckles turned white.

"Zayn, your clenching babe. Relax." Harry purred, stroking Zayn's throbbing cock.

Zayn moaned in pain when Harry moved in him deeper. Zayn's eyes got watery as he tried to adjust to the feeling. His tip was spurting precome at an incredibly fast rate, and he feared he couldn't hold it any longer. Harry had the type of cock that would fill you up and you would feel for days, it was just long and thick and shit, if it didn't hurt.

"It's okay baby. You're doing so well. I'm not going to leave you." Zayn bit on his lower lip until he drew blood, but nodded nonetheless. Harry grabbed Zayn by the hip bone and started inching him down on his cock. Zayn hissed again, then relaxed a bit when Harry started taking greedy licks down his dick.

"Uh." Zayn groaned, moving his hips in time to Harry's thrusts after he got used to the pain.

"Harry...harder. Please." Zayn moaned eyes closed and mouth wide open. Harry listened to his request, twisting his hips and going deeper.

"Just more please. Go faster please please please." Zayn begged, tears streaming down his tan face. Harry's headboard was making contact with the already battered walls, and he heard his neighbor's Telly volume go higher. Harry pulled out of Zayn, only to slam right into his bundle of nerves.

"Harry." Zayn whined, unconsciously stroking himself. There were beads of sweat glistening down his forehead and on his chest, and he had never looked more beautiful. Zayn cautiously slipped a finger in alongside Harry's cock; it was a tight fit but it was all the more pleasure.

"Fuck, I can do it." Harry growled, moving Zayn's finger and pushing himself deeper in.

"Harry." Zayn purred, on the verge of a climax.

"I wanna come right now, come on your spot and feel you clench around me." Harry said, then pushed all the way into Zayn, his thighs flush with his cheeks.

"T-that's so fucking dirty." Zayn moaned, and Harry could feel himself twitch.

"I'm gonna come." Harry said, stroking Zayn's shaft.

"No, come in my mouth." Zayn demanded, and Harry wasn't one to argue. He pulled off the condom before he grabbed his cock and followed it to Zayn's pink tongue, then came all over his mouth and down his chin. It was probably the most he had ever come and what Zayn looked like didn't make it any better. Zayn licked up as much as he could, then striped some on his finger. He moved his digit towards his stretched hole, then started fingering himself while Harry watched. When Zayn started moaning again, Harry slapped his hand away and licked around Zayn's hole, tasting his own bitter sweetness with his tongue. When he put his tongue in Zayn's ring of muscle, Zayn came with a yelp in Harry's hair and it felt like dejavue.

 

There at it again a few hours later and Zayn already looks fucked out.

"Ease..." Harry moans, grabbing Zayn's hips and pushing him back down on his cock. Zayn's hands are limp at his sides, and Harry is doing all the work.

"Uh." Zayn whined when the inside of his thighs were touching Harry's. Zayn put his hands on Harry's chest as he eased back up, but Harry bucked his hips up, making his cock fill Zayn completely. All you can hear in the room is skin slapping on skin and both of the lads pants. Zayn whines because he can feel Harry's fingernails digging into his flesh, and it's all too much.

"Harry." Zayn moans, because Harry is pounding into him too hard and he can feel himself about to come for the third time that night. It was almost 3 am and Zayn wouldn't be tired if he hadn't orgasmed too many times already. He is suppose to be at the biggest show of his life and instead he's letting Harry fuck him in a vanilla sex scent filled flat.

"Want to get on your hands and knees for me?" Harry panted, and Zayn nodded lazily. So Zayn moved off of Harry's hips so he was on his knees and Harry moved behind him. He slipped back in very easily, making Zayn moan in pleasure. Harry grabbed Zayn hips and pounded into him. Zayn was writhing in the sheets to release some pressure. Harry pushed all the way in so his bollocks were on Zayn's cheeks, then he started rolling his hips.

"Harry!" Zayn yelped, coming in the sheets. After a few more thrusts, Harry was coming and he could feel his own come around him and Zayn's pitiful clenching. He pulled out of Zayn and could feel his cock twitch in interest when he saw his come leaking out of Zayn's now loose hole.

"Shit Zayn, I didn't put a condom on." Harry said, eyelids half closed.

"That's why there's a squishing in my ass." Zayn said, cuddling up in the sheets.

"Don't you want to get cleaned up first?" Zayn shook his head, and Harry laid next to him. "I want to, I can feel you oozing out of me, but I'm so fucking tired." Zayn yawned.

"I love you Zayn." Harry murmured, rubbing his cheek. Zayn looked up at Harry, then turned around.

"Me too." He muttered, which made Harry smile.

 

The room is fairly silent, except for the soothing breathing pattern of both the boys. "So, what happens after this?" Harry dares to ask, watching Zayn's closed eyes as he runs his fingers through his hair.

"I have a show tomorrow. It's bad enough that we missed this one, but we can't afford another. The boys can't afford another."

"So, that means what?"

"I don't know Harry. That means the next time I'll see you is in 6 months."

Harry gulped, closing his eyes and trying to disappear into thin air.

"Harry, I like you more than a lot and I can't expect you to not see other people during that time."

"I don't want to see other people. I want you." Harry says, and Zayn holds his face in his hands, giving him a long kiss.

"I l-love you."

Harry is smiling so wide because he said it; Zayn says the three words that he hasn't been able to and Harry couldn't be any happier.

"I love you too Zayn."

"So come with me."

"On the road? Zayn I can't."

"Well why not?" He pouted.

"Stop. I have class and-"

"Tell your professor your taking a break."

"Zayn-"

"Harry I can't promise you anything. I'm not nice or rich and I can be a complete dick I know but all I have is this burning inside me and I can't leave today without you Harry I love you and I will say it as many times as you need me to. I love you. I really do and you don't even know how hard it is for me to be telling you all of these because I thought I didn't have any other feelings other than hate."

"Zayn-"

"Harry I love you. Like a lot." He chuckled, even though his eyes looked glassy and wet with new tears.

Harry knew that Zayn was giving up more than he ever had before and he couldn't deny him when he could crumble at any giving moment with a single word.

"I love you too Zayn."

And that means yes more than anything.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks!


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